Saturday, October 14, 2017

Depression

I was down for a few weeks. Before my trip in Hong Kong last month, sobrang stressed ako sa work. Meetings with the management, intense discussion on performance, delivering what the client needs, trackers, numbers, data etc. Para akong sasabog. I thought kapag nakapag-bakasyon ako, I will feel better. I didn't. Suddenly, I don't want to go to work (pero pumapasok pa rin ako). The things that I usually do are not satisfying me. I'd rather lay down on bed and sleep than socialize. Konting pagkakamali ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin would irritate me. I feel being used but deep inside me, I'm useless. I keep comparing myself to others. I'm too old with my age. I look ugly and fat. I overthink. I even had a talk with my boss as I intend to leave the company that I'm with for almost 3 years.

Then I asked myself, is this depression? or sad lang ako? Is it because mag-one year nang wala si mama and it still feels like yesterday? I confessed to one of my closest friends in the office (I only have a few) and she comforted me. Somehow, it helped. Then sa tuwing papasok ako ng office, my peers would say I look fresh and blooming. WHAT? I feel the opposite on the inside. As the day goes by, unti-unting nabawasan ang bigat sa loob ko. Still, I don't know if I'm doing okay or I'm just denying it.

There was this controversial statement of Joey de Leon on Eat Bulaga about depression that was contradicted by Maine Mendoza (applause for her), the posts of Lady Gaga on Twitter, the fight of Risa Hontiveros for Mental Health Law and recently, the suicide of Nadine Lustre's younger brother. I guess it's time for me to know more about it. Luckily, Bianca Gonzales tackled this on her latest vlog and CNN Philippines interviewed mental health advocate Kylie Versoza and Antoinette Taus.

I wanna share it with you, mga ateng. Let's educate ourselves about depression.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It’s usually impossible to do self-assessment on your state of mind. You’ll need to see a professional to better understand as to what’s going on within you. Is it burn-out, frustration, simple sadness or real depression? Self-diagnosis is often not possible. If your employee benefits cover an appointment with a professional, you should take advantage of it. You have nothing to lose.

Edgar Portalan said...

Depression is as real as the sand in my hand. I have suffered from it but I thank God that I had overcame it with the help of my faith in Him. My two cents worth : Please ignore Joey De Leon huh.